Gotham Days: Metaphor
by Tintenschwert
Summary: Settled in Lukuma s Gotham Days Verse - Piper and Trickster are forced to work for the private detective Riddler and investigate a not-so-typical Cheating-Husband.


**Gotham Days**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

This is settled in lukuma´s Gotham Days verse

"You want us to -WHAT?!" Piper sitting up from his office chair and knocking down a stash of papers.

"Uh-uh-uh...Rathaway, what did I tell you about questioning my motives/actions/thoughts....? Right: Don´t!!!

I know about your artficial enhanced hearing so I think you heard me most clearly and understood me the first time: go undercover in a scene club and get as much information as possible about lil' Tony Mascalotti and his affair." Riddler waved his index finger in front of Piper.

"Tony Mascalotti... As in Tony Mascalotti, son of Don Pedro Mascalotti, semi-biggest mob boss since Carmine Falcone?" asked Trickster. He was sitting on Piper´s desk and was busy shuffling some cards.

"Correct, Mr Jesse. Do you two remember the _bellissima signorina_ that entered my office last evening? "

"If you mean the blonde I was not allowed to talk to, look at or even breath in the same room as her, then yes."

Riddler´s expression changed from a mischevious smirk to a dreamy, soap-opera smile.

"Yes, exactly that one. I tell you, one of most amazing pair of -" he spared a quick glance at Piper who was busy picking up his notes- "legs in the universe. Anyway, Signorina Carlotta has suspected that her fiancé Tony has been cheating on her."

"And the reason why you want us to investigate in an exclusive _gay_ club is...?" Trickster motioned for Riddler to finish the sentence.

" Mascalotti is supected to be having an affair with a certain fellow. A male fellow. Basically, a member of _la cosa nostra_ is having a boyfriend while betrothed to that lovely woman and I want you to to sneak in, snap a few photos, gather some evidence and then leave _pronto_."

Trickster raised his hand like in elementary school.

"Yes, Mr Gui-, Giuzu, Gio...Jesse?"

"Just one little question Mr Nygma: why the hell the two of us? I´m sure music-man can handle this on his own. You can, can´t you Hart?"

Riddler hit Trickster with his cane on the head.

"Cop Rule #1: Never go on a mission alone, always work with a partner or in a bigger team."

"I thought you said 20 minutes ago that rule #1 was: _Do as I say, dammit!_. " Piper contributed, shuffling his papers.

"Don´t you contradict me! Anyway, Carlotta says that Tony has a '_buisness meeting'_ at 10 pm." -he accentuated his words with the quote-gesture. " Be sure to be there at least at 9.30 pm, blend in with the crowd and have a close look on our little boy. Find out what he´s doing exactly, snap a few compromising pictures, you could record something flute-boy, then leave before anyone has a chance to recognize you...and don´t come back here before the next morning. Signorina Carlotta and I will be having a buisness meeting, if you catch my drift."

Riddler wriggled his eyebrows and leered.

"Eww." stated Piper.

"Eww." agreed Trickster.

"So little monkeys: feel free to practice your undercover act until you leave. And make sure you fit in with the crowd!"

Piper could have sworn that Riddler winked at Tricks, but he wasn´t really paying close attention to the man and his expression which never seemed to make any sense or to be connected to his voice/thoughts/mood at all. Trickster just smiled his usual smile, but Piper had long decided that he wasn´t ever going to be able to decipher Trickster´s expressions and just climbed up the stairs.

Riddler continued to shoo them out of the room with the famous "Wizard of OZ"-line.

Once in their room Piper plopped down on his bed. Trickster fetched his cards and began to build a little house.

"I can´t believe Arkham let him out. Whoever declared him sane...probably was an inmate there." James muttered, his tongue caught between his teeth.

"Woudn't surprise me; they let Dent out, too."

Piper sighed heavily and pressed his palms to his eyes, "Look, James: let´s make this easy: I´ll go alone, you go wherever you want, I finish the job without your nagging/whining/bitching and we just pretend we did as Riddler told us to. Deal?"

Trickster was tempted. Sorely tempted. A whole night off, one precious night off, without Riddler, without any stupid missions (like the guy who claimed that dwarves stole his underwear and the old lady with the tea-kettle that had swallowed her cat). One night without Piper---and that tipped the scales.

"Nah, I´m playing fair. He´ll probably would find out anyway."_ Like I'd let you walk into a club with a mafia guy and his guards alone._

"You really don´t have to do this. I´ll just put a mic on him and that´s it."

"You´re just trying to talk me out of a challenge. But I'm onto you and Mamma Jesse didn´t raise a coward, so therefore I´m coming with you."

Arched eyebrow, eyes clearly saying "I don´t know what you´re planning -again- but I sense it´s not going to end well me for me" and his lips a nanosecond away from a firm "No" but then Trickster took all the wind out of Piper´s sails by saying: "What did he have in mind with _blending in with the crowd_?"

Piper grimanced as he spoke,

"I went once to _Metaphor _a few years back with...a friend. I never wanted to get back, it´s ..cheesy."

"Cheesy? Did you just confuse that with sleazy?"

"No, no..it´s clichéd. It´s the typical sterotype of gay-ness. Every writer of gay jokes probably comes there to get new material. The Village People could be the founders of this thing. I was hit on by a drag queen, some guy who dressed like he was from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, a biker in a leather outfit and one who wanted to dress me up as a pink flamingo. It's a..creepy place."

Trickster´s expression was the quintessence of WTF? when Piper explained this. He looked embarrassed.

"It´s ...awful. If I had a nickel for everytime someone there said fabulous---"

"O.K, O.K I get it."

-"Are you busy practicing _how to blend in with the crowd _yet_?_ " sounded Riddler´s voice from below.

"Eat my shorts!" was Trickster´s reply.

"So...," started Trickster. "How do you dress like a gay guy?"

And the arched eyebrow was back.

"Come on...we´re supposed not to draw attention. So, how do I have to dress up to not draw any attention?"

Piper looked at him. "Considering that place...you could probably wear your costume and no one would notice....don´t look at me that way, I´m

serious."

He got up from the bed started looking through their closet. "Just wear something casual. How are you going to hide the camera?"

"Why do you assume that I have a spy cam?"

"I know you for a long, long time. That´s enough reason for me."

Trickster sighed in defeat. "Wristwatch."

"I´ll cover the audio. It´s ...8.30pm now. You have any objections against taking a taxi? After all, it´s necessary spending money- aka Riddler´s

gonna pay for it."

"Sure." Trickster placed the Queen on the top of the deck, finishing the card house.

An hour later they both waited for the taxi outside the house. Trickster dressed in a canary yellow shirt and jeans (What? I like this color!) and Piper in black pants and a green shirt (I have the right to have a favorite color, too). Wristwatch camera ready, microphone cufflinks ready and Piper´s nerves one push away from breaking down.

The club itself was as Piper described it. And worse.

"Oh, is this boy cute! And the green? Looks smashing on you, darlin´."

"I always liked red-heads- you´re natural, right?"

"This is so totally your color, handsome"

"You look so absolutely faboulus!"

There was a lot of pink, a lot of leather, lots of drinks and lots of guys hitting on them. Piper managed to keep Trickster from punching one guy who had grabbed his ass. Trickster in return kept Piper from attacking another guy who wanted to get him for a "little S&M action baby. You like it kinky, huh? I bet you´d love it when I would tie you up and-"

They were villains, dammit. Reformed villains, ex-villains-now-good-guys, but still. It felt weird: you fought with the Flash and other superheros/villains, you battled Neron, you survived Iron Heights...and now you wish to get out so bad that you´re considering starting a fight just because you could get into jail and out of here.

Piper admired Trickster for his enormous strength of will. All in all, he was glad that Tricks was accompaning him. If he would have to suffer through this alone-

A hand on his shoulder turned him around. He stared into the face (well, more the chest) of the archetype of "Tall, Dark and Handsome". The guy was not wearing a shirt; only white jeans. Tight white jeans. Then hand on Piper´s shoulder squeezed tighter. Mr Universe watched him like Piper was a sweet little lamb and he was the big bad wolf. He flashed him a bright smile with shiny teeth, brushed through his own hair with a large hand and posed to show off his abs.

"What are you doing here all by yourself, cutie? I can´t believe someone as beautiful as you is here solo. The name´s Fabiano, but you-" he flashed Piper a predatory grin- "can call me _god_. "

"Well, god, sorry but he´s taken." Trickster pushed Mr Universe´s hand off Piper. "Get lost!"

"Sure you don´t wanna leave him for this?" asked Mr Universe, indicating himself.

Piper put his arm around Trickster´s waist. "Positive."

They managed to get some space behind a large pillar. They seperated immediately.

"Thanks for the save" said Piper awkwardly.

"I´m sure you would have taken him out, just wanted to speed things

up."

Piper showed him a mischevious smile. "You just saved him from acute hearing loss. And maybe some more violent actions."

Trickster had a smile to match his own. "Mr Rathaway, you never cease to surprise me."

They discovered Tony later on. In company of Mr Universe. And a whole load of guards.

"Damn." stated Tricks.

"Damn." agreed Piper.

"We´ll never get close enough for the sounds and the good pictures."

"Not after that."

"So..."

"Soooooooo"

"We´re screwed."

"Yep."

After several tries of teamwork, solo action and a warning from a particularly nasty guard they sat at the bar,sipping some brightly colored drinks with names so fancy they already forgotten them and were trying to work out a strategy.

"Let´s face it. We can´t get there unnoticed, not solo, not as a team. We need a distraction, and _pronto_!"

"But what Tricks? Setting off the fire alarm wouldn´t work, calling the cops here would be quite suicidal and I don´t have enough equipment here to use the sonics here properly. And no, I don´t think that your flying shoes would be a great solution either."

"What do we do now? Old strategies won´t work, teamwork doesn´t work...we need something we´re better at."

"What? Bitching at each other?"

"Yes, like that."

"..."

"Yes, that´s it! That´s perfect! You´re a genius Tricks! We can´t convincingly pretend to be a couple, but I bet we can break up really good."

There was a moment of silence.

"Mr Rathaway, I´d like to repeat my compliment. And I raise you a _you´re some sneaky devil_"

They positioned themselves in the middle of the dance floor. Piper had tinkered with the loudspeakers and the music was at a level where a conversation could be understood. And now...the show did go on.

"What do you mean with that?"

"If you don´t know what I mean, James, I don´t know why I am even bothering being here with you anymore."

"Oh, please! What are you implying Mr Holier-than-Thou? Something you´d like to share with the class?"

"Hey! Don´t you talk to me like that!"

"I talk to you like -I- want."

"You're a narcissistic bastard."

"Oh, so now we start with the swear words. Come on, you sissy, what is it?"

"You damn stupid bastard." Piper exploded "I hate you! Don´t you think I didn´t notice what you were doing the last few weeks? Do you think I´m blind? Did you think I was deaf? Did you think I just wouldn't notice?Is that what you´re trying to hide?"

"I don´t know why you´re talking about, listen-"

"Oh, now I´m supposed to listen. NOW! I had to listen to you for the last four years and it hasn´t brought me anything. I´m tired of you always pushing me down, of you don´t approving my lifestyle. I´m fed up with you, James, and I´m done with you. You don´t like what I´m doing, you insult my friends, you---I won´t even say what you say about my family. I´m sick of you. You hear me, SICK of you!"

"You're blaming _me _because you want out? All my fault?"

"YES! Damn, it is. You don´t support me with anything I do! You hate my job, my friends, you´re trying to seperate me from my family, you -"

"Goddammit, you´re exaggerating, you-"

By now they were yelling and shouting and had drawn very much attention of a very large crowd. Including the mafia guys, Mr Universe and approximately half of the club. The fight was almost too real for Trickster; either Piper was a magnificient actor, or due for a long talk.

Piper continued to acuse Trickster of seemingly random things, Trickster defended himself and in the end he lashed out and punched some guy next to him. If that was a bar, this could have been a fantastic bar brawl. Instead it was a mixture between catfights, sissy fights and the few "manly men" boxing and wrestling. In all that distraction Piper managed to place a cuff link (which was a highly efficient microphone) on lil´ Tony´s before he got hit in the face.

"You hit my boyfriend!" snarled Trickster and slugged the guy responsible.

The fight knocked up several notches and then it was like a real bar brawl. Admist the chaos, Piper and Trickster quietly sneaked off and exited the club. Through Trickster´s camera (which had _somehow_ found his way to Mr Universe, while the receiver was still at Trickster´s watch) and the microphone (which was linked to Piper´s own watch---Riddler´s stupid idea with the watch communicators had brought this up) provided enough evidence for Carlotta. Plenty of evidence. More evidence that they would ever want. Ever.

Next morning (the rest of the night having spent in some real bars and in a cinema watching "Zorro") they first put all the evidence on Riddler´s desk. Then fought about who got to use the shower first (Piper won) and then who had to provide breakfast (Piper lost).

Back in their room, slightly burned toast, lots of jam and a huge pot of coffee on the table;

"Thanks for defending my honor back there" said Piper, who had earned a black eye and split lip from this adventure.

"No problem." replied James whose left cheek had some fascinating colors-schemes. "But I have one question: this whole...fight seemed...real. Either you have a very vivid fantasy or there´s something more behind all this."

Piper dismissed it with the wave of his hand."Just had some issues with my ex. We broke up, because he couldn´t cope with me being a villain -turned -good, turned-semi-hero, is a Flash-friend...in the end we just argued and argued, and it didn´t work out anymore. It did help that his name was also James. Sorry if I ...insulted... you, but I was just working up some old issues."

"No problem, music-man."

They both smiled into their cups of coffee.

"Seeing you punching that guy was priceless."

"Oh please, watching you ---what was that anway? Karate? Kung-Fu?"

"No, no Tricks. Some self-defense moves...Jiu-Jiutsu I believe. No big deal, learned that from a course at the community center back in Keystone."

"Anyway, it was pretty effective. So many girly screams...and no girls present."

"You said it."

Both chuckled a little.

"It´s the red hair, isn´t it? That the reason always so many people hit on you when you go out? "

"Don´t give me that much credit. They probably just wanted to make you jealous, handsome."

That was probably the worst moment ever for the Riddler to drop in.


End file.
